10 reasons why nice guys don't get relationships right (and what to do about it) - CONFIDENCE UNIVERSE

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Wednesday, January 29, 2020

10 reasons why nice guys don't get relationships right (and what to do about it)

10 reasons why nice guys don't get relationships right (and what to do about it)

According to Wikipedia, A nice guy is an informal term for an adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable. The term is used both positively and negatively
In short, nice guys constantly do favors for others at the expense of their own well being and comfort. In this post, we shall examine the stereotypes about nice guys, and how to prevent them.

Nice guys tend to talk a lot about their good deeds, in return, they expect to attract the opposite sex with their overly nice words and treatment. Their social media accounts are full of feeds on how a woman should be glorified/treated thinking they'll get more likes from the females.

They have lots of relationship burnouts and failures. What nice guys don't know is that women have strong intuition especially when something isn't right about a guy. A woman of high-value won't doubt her instinct and leave without thinking of coming back.

Let me tell you a little story of mine. I met this great looking girl on campus, I started a conversation with her and everything went on smoothly. I took her contact and a few days we began texting. 

So like every woman would probably ask within the early periods of creating acquaintance, "why did you take my number?" she asked, and my answer was "am just a nice guy trying to know you more". Huh, unfortunately, that was the last time we ever spoke and she never replied to any of my messages. 
Eventually, I gave up, sat down and ask myself, "what the f...k did I do wrong?". I couldn't seem to grasp the situation. And it's not like I wasn't good looking or attractive (if I wasn't then she probably wouldn't have given out her contact in the first place).

But when I re-evaluate the conversation I understand how little I know about relationships. If I had adopted a more direct approach like "I really thought you were cute and I'd love to hang out with you", things would have taken a different turn. rather I was trying to be a nice guy without realizing it and beating around the bush.

It's obvious she had already seen through me, but she wanted to be certain about my position. 
You see gentlemen this was a tricky question. Indirectly this question can be translated as how do you feel about me? what did you like about me that made you ask my number? 
But then I was too dumb to figure this out. So I decided to make this post to help you out, so you don't make mistakes like me.

With that being said, this doesn't mean nice guys suck completely in life or are bad people. They just have unrealistic notions about how relationships work. Nice guys have this belief that for them to get the girl of their dreams, they must be the nicest thing she knows.

That's why they flood women with gifts and expect her to be in a relationship with them because they feel entitled to it. They focus on pounding women with pressure rather than creating attraction in the relationship.

The 10 reasons I put together why nice guys don't get relationships right are:

1. one-sided investments
2. Nice guys are always available
3. Lofty expectations
4. leniency
5. constantly apologizing
6. Self-neglect
7. creating skepticism
8. Flimsy bonds
9. No phobic
10. constantly walk around circles

Without further ado, let's examine the 10 reasons why nice guys don't get relationships right, and what to do about it


#1. One-sided investments

Nice guys are the only ones investing in their relationships. This is because they dedicate too much time and effort to the relationship, while their partners don't do anything.
This lopsidedness isn't helping the relationship. A relationship has to be 50:50, no more no less in order to create trust. 
At a certain point, nice guys notice something isn't right about the relationship, but do nothing about it in order not to inconvenience their partners. 
You shouldn't be the only one trying to make the relationship work. Your partner has to invest in the relationship, otherwise, they wouldn't care much about the relationship.



#2. Nice guys are always available

Being available in a relationship feels like a nice gesture right? well being too available doesn't help the relationship. Nice guys ditch their personal lives, hobbies, and passion just to make themselves available to their partners. 

They reply super fast whenever she texts, always have an open schedule, and always willing to run errands for her. It's very ok to have your own plans and stick to them. It shows that you have something going on in your life, and your partner doesn't feel she's the only thing happening in your life. 

At some point the relationship gets boring, she'll step on your personal boundaries and she would lose respect for your personal time.

Have a life of your own, be passionate about something and focus on building your career and self-esteem.


#3. Lofty Expectations

Nice guys usually have too high and unrealistic expectations about their relationships. They expect their girlfriends or lovers to operate as they would. They treat their relationship as to how they imagined a relationship to be, rather than how it actually is.
At the end of the day, they get disappointed and exhausted because of their high overly high expectations.

Lower your expectations about your relationships, that way you don't get disappointed when things don't turn out your way, and it would give you more time to focus on yourself.


#4. leniency

Leniency is an important quality of a healthy relationship. But nice guys tend to forgive immediately, though they suffer within. Each time their partner cheats on them, they embrace her immediately with open arms, whether or not he is hurt.

Nice guys don't set boundaries in their life, because of their over leniency. That's why their partners keep on making commitments to them without following through because they think they can get away with anything without consequences.

It's ok to feel mad at someone when they hurt you, and it's totally fine to hold someone accountable for their mistakes. You don't need to forgive someone immediately, take your time and make them understand the gravity of their actions. 
Set clear boundaries in your relationships and don't be scared to react when she crosses the line. 



#5. Constantly Apologizing

Nice guys are constantly apologizing in their relationships, whether or not they are to be blamed. They act like everything is their fault, even when it's actually not.

Saying sorry constantly is an unattractive behavior and makes your apologies meaningless because you say it all the time to escape an inconvenient conversation.
Apologizing all the time equally makes her see you as less confident in things you do or say, which kills the attraction. 

Rather than apologizing, work on feeling more confident in your actions, especially when you are not to be blamed for the circumstances.




#6. Self-neglect

Nice guys over-invest in a relationship, that they fail to prioritize themselves. They tend to ignore their looks, and sometimes hygiene with the excuse that they are trying to make the relationship work. 
They spend money on getting girls expensive gifts and paying their rents that they have little to no money available for them.

Don't forget that before you got into any relationship, it was just you and nobody else. Never ignore that fact, because the moment you do, you no longer prioritize yourself.



#7. Creating Scepticism

Being excessively kind doesn't make people trust you. Sometimes people feel skeptic around you or rather don't feel your kindness is genuine because they think you're up to something.


Nice guys are experts at inducing skepticism in their relationships, because of their overly nice behavior.

Nice guys think they're entitled to a woman's love, or phone number because of a nice gesture towards her

Always share your true feelings no matter how it makes your partner feel, and don't expect anything in return when you take a woman out on a date or buy her a gift. Remember that you were the one who invited her out of your own personal will. But that doesn't make her emotionally indebted to you.


#8. Flimsy bonds

Nice guys have problems making profound connections in their relationships. Because of their overly nice behavior, the don't communicate how they really feel with their partners.
You should always reveal your true feelings in a relationship because it brings you both closer.
It's ok to disagree with your partner because you both can find a genuine compromise.


#9.  "NO" Phobic

Nice guys are afraid of saying no to their partners in a relationship. Even when they don't agree, they still say yes to everything because they're afraid their partner would take away love and attention from them. 
They always have the feeling they're been taken advantage of yet they do nothing about it because of fear of been left behind.
Saying no in your relationship can be very healthy, especially when it inconveniences you.
It makes your partner respect you more, value your time, and sets clear boundaries on what and what not you are willing to tolerate.


#10. Nice guys walk around circles

To put this in simple terms, nice guys constantly beat around the bush. They don't have clear goals in a relationship and are afraid to speak their minds because of fear of rejection. 
This is one major aspect I suffered from in my relationship. I was indecisive and never clear about my goals
This is the main reason why nice guys are constantly friend-zoned and rarely make it up to securing a healthy relationship with women.

To avoid being friend-zoned, you need to make your intention clear at the beginning of the relationship. If she says she wants to be "just friends", tell her you already have enough friends in your life and ain't looking for more. It's totally fine to communicate your mind.


You might also want to read: 14 signs she into you over text

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